Today I write for a friend. We came to know each other via an online chat room at least 15 years ago when our children were still children and our worries less complicated. As we shared of ourselves over the years we discovered our life experiences have been near mirror images of the other. Today, like myself, she raisies her dear granddaughter who is slightly younger than my sweet Aaron. There are times when frustration, resentment and anger over our situations is overwhelmingly strong, we all experience it and we're not alone in feeling these emotions. Today, my friend, I send you a ray of funshine.
Often I refer to Aaron on facebook, Twitter and here as "Beastie" a term of endearment that began when he was only weeks old because of his size. Today, at 2 and half years old, he is in the 90th percentile for height and weight at 38 inches tall and 38 pounds. He's a big boy and as he entered his "terrible two's" I've affectionately called him "Beastie" as a descriptor for his attitude. I rarely call him Beastie in our day to day life and when I have it's in play. Most days I call him "Baby" or "Funshine" and I'm quite sure if asked his name he'd say "Baby"!
The term Beastie allows me to bring some humor to some very bad days, I need that sometimes. When he has flung his breakfast across the room, tried to hit me, thrown numerous floor abusing tantrums, poured his juice into his mercifully empty potty and proceeded to drink it; he is most definitely my Beastie. By making light of his antics and using Beastie to bring some levity to a day of unpleasant behavior and I usually manage to maintain enough of my sanity to make it to our bedtime story.
Then there are those days that no amount of humor can make better. I'm irritable from lack of sleep, I'm impatient because everything I want to get done is still left undone or is quickly undone by little hands. Those days when I haven't had a shower in two days because I have no one to watch Aaron and by the time my husband gets home I'm too exhausted physically and emotionally to even want one anymore. Then there are those days when my husband comes home an hour late from work because he stopped off to run an errand or see a friend. He may have had a difficult day as well, but I can't control the anger and resentment that creeps up inside me. I'm have this little person making demands on my attention ALL day, how dare he not come straight home and give me a break?! How dare he expect me to get this or that accomplished when I can't even pee in privacy or take a shower?! I get angry and I get resentful and I know it's normal, so I accept it and apologize when I recognize I've been unreasonable.
I'm angry that my husband doesn't help me more, when in truth he helps me a great deal. Unfortunately, there are those days when it's been a VERY bad day and I need extra help and sometimes I just don't think to ask for it (He should know, right? Wrong). I get angry and resentful toward my son and Aaron's mother for their poor choices that have forced me to raise another child at this point in my life. I have called them both terrible, hateful things in my mind when I've reached the heights of my frustration. There has even been a couple of occasions when my husband has hugged me as he came in from work only to have me burst into tears. Tears of relief that he is home to take over and tears of shame for not having the strength to hold it together.
These days end. We go to sleep and start fresh in the morning and if we're lucky it turns out to be not as bad as the day before. If I'm extra lucky the Beastie of the day before is completely transformed and full of laughter, hugs and tickles. He morphs into my funshine, brightening my day and my mood. That single day of funshine has the ability to completely erase the frustration and resentments of the day before. I relish every moment spent with him and marvel at the person he is becoming. I gladly set aside the chores in order to read him stories, build block towers and race trucks across the floor. I thank God he is safely in my arms, warm, fed, loved, played with and loving in return. The storms are always temporary and the funshine is always there behind those clouds waiting to burst forth once again. Yeah, it's tough some days. But, basking in the rays of funshine leaves us feeling warm and happy. Its therapeutic effect far outlasts those of the stormy days.
Stay strong my friend and hold out for tomorrow. The storm will pass.
Be sure to follow us on facebook!
http://www.facebook.com/AGrandmasTale
Often I refer to Aaron on facebook, Twitter and here as "Beastie" a term of endearment that began when he was only weeks old because of his size. Today, at 2 and half years old, he is in the 90th percentile for height and weight at 38 inches tall and 38 pounds. He's a big boy and as he entered his "terrible two's" I've affectionately called him "Beastie" as a descriptor for his attitude. I rarely call him Beastie in our day to day life and when I have it's in play. Most days I call him "Baby" or "Funshine" and I'm quite sure if asked his name he'd say "Baby"!
The term Beastie allows me to bring some humor to some very bad days, I need that sometimes. When he has flung his breakfast across the room, tried to hit me, thrown numerous floor abusing tantrums, poured his juice into his mercifully empty potty and proceeded to drink it; he is most definitely my Beastie. By making light of his antics and using Beastie to bring some levity to a day of unpleasant behavior and I usually manage to maintain enough of my sanity to make it to our bedtime story.
Then there are those days that no amount of humor can make better. I'm irritable from lack of sleep, I'm impatient because everything I want to get done is still left undone or is quickly undone by little hands. Those days when I haven't had a shower in two days because I have no one to watch Aaron and by the time my husband gets home I'm too exhausted physically and emotionally to even want one anymore. Then there are those days when my husband comes home an hour late from work because he stopped off to run an errand or see a friend. He may have had a difficult day as well, but I can't control the anger and resentment that creeps up inside me. I'm have this little person making demands on my attention ALL day, how dare he not come straight home and give me a break?! How dare he expect me to get this or that accomplished when I can't even pee in privacy or take a shower?! I get angry and I get resentful and I know it's normal, so I accept it and apologize when I recognize I've been unreasonable.
I'm angry that my husband doesn't help me more, when in truth he helps me a great deal. Unfortunately, there are those days when it's been a VERY bad day and I need extra help and sometimes I just don't think to ask for it (He should know, right? Wrong). I get angry and resentful toward my son and Aaron's mother for their poor choices that have forced me to raise another child at this point in my life. I have called them both terrible, hateful things in my mind when I've reached the heights of my frustration. There has even been a couple of occasions when my husband has hugged me as he came in from work only to have me burst into tears. Tears of relief that he is home to take over and tears of shame for not having the strength to hold it together.
These days end. We go to sleep and start fresh in the morning and if we're lucky it turns out to be not as bad as the day before. If I'm extra lucky the Beastie of the day before is completely transformed and full of laughter, hugs and tickles. He morphs into my funshine, brightening my day and my mood. That single day of funshine has the ability to completely erase the frustration and resentments of the day before. I relish every moment spent with him and marvel at the person he is becoming. I gladly set aside the chores in order to read him stories, build block towers and race trucks across the floor. I thank God he is safely in my arms, warm, fed, loved, played with and loving in return. The storms are always temporary and the funshine is always there behind those clouds waiting to burst forth once again. Yeah, it's tough some days. But, basking in the rays of funshine leaves us feeling warm and happy. Its therapeutic effect far outlasts those of the stormy days.
Stay strong my friend and hold out for tomorrow. The storm will pass.
Be sure to follow us on facebook!
http://www.facebook.com/AGrandmasTale