I'm convinced my son believes I was born the age I am. He believes I have no idea what it's like to be his age or to experience the challenges he faces. Though, I've related stories of my own youth and the experiences I've had. I've lectured until I was blue in the face about lessons learned and knowledge gained through my own poor decisions. I've also laughed with him until tears ran down my face about the antics and fun I enjoyed growing up. However, he continues to suppose I can't possibly understand what it's like to be a young adult. Iffen I was a violent type, I'd be tempted to whack him right up side his head!
Recently we had our first real discussion about his new girlfriend's pregnancy; mind you, I had to wait a few weeks to have this discussion in order to cool off and remove risk of causing him bodily injury. I alternated between ranting, reprimanding, crying and picking the brain I'm assuming he has...At one point I questioned how she could get pregnant the first week he was out of the youth detention center when we supplied him with a large box of condoms on the day of his release. His response? "You wouldn't understand, Mom...." FLASHPOINT!
The conversation went a lot like this...
"What the heck do you mean, I wouldn't understand?! I'm a college graduate! I'm literate! I'm technologically savvy! I've had twice the life experience you've had! What exactly won't I understand?!" Embarrassed and obviously uncomfortable, he mumbled something about "heat of the moment"...Are you kidding me? "After you were born your father and I used condoms because WE DID NOT WANT ANYMORE CHILDREN! The idea of having another child put a cold chill
on the 'heat of the moment'; we stopped, donned the latex and carried on! We happily endured the interruption until your father had a vasectomy and beyond, pending the doctor giving us the all clear! Don't give me that 'heat of the moment' crap; we were hot and young once, too (We're still pretty hot, if I do say so myself)! You want to bypass heat of the moment dilemmas then you and
chickypoo need to learn how to give and receive oral!" ...."MOM!!" (He was totally flustered and red-faced at this point). I'm thinking he had this idea that his proper, conservative mother wouldn't know anything about oral. I must admit, his obvious discomfort brought me some measure of delight! Because let's face it, no kid wants to think about their parents having sex. They'd rather
think they came to be through Immaculate Conception!
I love my kid, I really do. He is charismatic, funny, smart (when he chooses to utilize those smarts) and he has a heart of gold. But he is trying to explore who he is and he often seems torn between the bad boy, thug image and the kid we raised him to be with a good moral foundation. He is the ideal kid around family and a brainless gansta wannabe around his friends. For instance, he was angry that I questioned the paternity of his new girlfriend's baby (She has cheated on him and I have reason to be skeptical) and sent me a text message in which every other word was a curse word and he had a rude, thug attitude. I called him (because we know Mama ain't gonna settle for no text) and when he answered I very coldly asked if he wanted to reconsider how he was speaking to me. I told him the language and attitude was disrespectful and unacceptable. His
bad boy attitude instantly melted away and he apologized for cursing and being disrespectful. He calmly explained why he was angry and I explained why my skepticism was valid and expected. He didn't like it, but he understood and when we hung up, he said "I love you, Mom".
Yes, many a day my hand literally itches with the urge to spring out and pop him on the forehead like a V8 juice commercial. But, sometimes I get treated to a glimmer of that young man we'd always hoped he'd become. I'm not willing to throw in the towel just yet or give up on attempts to guide him in making responsible decisions. I keep hoping that somewhere under that
irresponsible hooligan persona lays the moral foundation we worked so hard to instill in him. I try to remain optimistic and wait for him to finally be comfortable with himself as an individual and to accept that he can be himself around real friends and they will embrace the person he is unconditional; just as his family loves him unconditionally. In the meantime, I will continue my efforts to restrain myself from popping him in the head... Particularly when he mistakes me for having been born old and clueless!
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