Dear husband and I rarely corrected these mistakes with strangers when Aaron was younger because he had no idea what was being said. Now we correct everyone because Aaron is well aware that "Mommy and Daddy" are some people he sees sometimes. He knows my husband and I as G-Ma and Poppie, the people who love, care and provide for him every day. At two and half years old he doesn't recognize relationships; to him, "Mommy and Daddy" are simply the names of those people he see's sometimes. Imagine his confusion when a waitress at a restaurant refers to his G-Ma and Poppie as "Mommy and Daddy".
I absolutely adore my mother and can honestly call her my best friend. But, my mother is one of the biggest culprits in referring to us as Mommy and Daddy, or calling our oldest son "Brother" instead of Uncle. It makes it difficult because we are so close and she visits weekly and calls daily. She dotes on Aaron, who is their third great-grandchild, but the only boy and the only great-grandchild she's sees regularly. No matter how many times I correct her, she and others insist on calling us his parents and I worry a great deal about the confusion this causes him now and into the future. I can't really get annoyed at people, because on a couple of occasions my husband and I have made the same slip. We have been speaking to Aaron and said something akin to "here, let Daddy help you" or "give it to Mommy". But, I do question what Aaron is thinking when this occurs and how puzzling it must be for him during a time when he is learning so much about the world around him.
That confusion isn't going to go away anytime soon. One day he will be in school and making friends who have typical family dynamics, so unlike his own. He is bound to question our relationships and his place in the family. We have already decided that when Aaron is older and understands everyone's role in his life, we will allow him to refer to us as his Mom and Dad, if he so chooses. But, he will always know his biological parents, at least through name and photograph if they choose not to be a part of his life.
Perhaps I dwell on potential negatives too much. I've often been accused of worrying about things that are far in the future. I suppose I am a Girl Scout through and through, and want to be prepared for any obstacles to Aaron's future happiness. Raising Aaron is a big challenge some days, like when he throws tantrums from dawn to dusk or slings yogurt across the room as his way of letting me know "all done, G-Ma". Even now, it is 12:30AM and as I've been writing he has woken three times crying for me. Once because he rolled over on the hard plastic Batman action figure he insists on sleeping with and it hurt. Twice more because Batman fell out of bed and he couldn't locate him.
I can cope with these challenges, and even now I smile at the antics that earlier had me frustrated. The challenge I fear most is protecting him psychologically and emotionally from the unusual family dynamic, the possible stigma and the effect it may have on his self-esteem as he ages. To him we are Mom and Dad, but we are also G-Ma and Poppie. The two roles are forever entwined with one another just as Aaron is at the same time both our grandson and our son. I can only hope that our love and candor will be enough to neutralize potential tribulations that lay ahead. I pray that I am a good loving parent for him and I pray that I can also be a little of that doting, spoiling grandma.
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