At this point in the game it should come as no surprise when I say my son and Aaron's mother have had a very volatile, on and off again relationship. Recently, during one of those "off" periods, my son called from his current residence (the local youth detention facility). He predictably asked about Aaron's mother and whether or not she had been to visit Aaron. I replied that she had not which initiated his feigned attempt at anger over her inattentiveness.
.....Mind you, he committed his crime 2 weeks before his 18th birthday and because he'd never been in trouble prior he received a year of probation. Unfortunately, he could not stop smoking marijuana during that probationary period and tested positively during his probation officer check-in multiple times. Each time resulted in longer and longer periods of commitment to the youth detention center. Doesn't appear to me that he was giving his son's best interest a moment's thought prior to lockup anymore than she has given it.
Anyway, he became angry that Aaron's mother wasn't visiting their son and threatened "if she doesn't start making time to visit him, she isn't going to see him at all..." to which I immediately cut him off with "Whoa, baby! You have no say in who this little boy will see and who he will not see!, We make those determinations as his parents now, not you!". These kids terminated their parental rights so that we could adopt him and allow him to always know his parents while secure and cared for by us. We have no intention of denying him a relationship with his parents, though we cannot ensure or predict whether or not his parents will foster a relationship with him.
This is not to say it has not crossed our minds to sever all ties when the drama and dysfunction has reached epic proportions. In the end two things have prevented us from taking that course of action. First, I cannot and will not be responsible for denying Aaron access to his parents. I will do everything in my power to shield him from the chaos of their lives while still allowing them to be a part of his life. That is unless their behavior becomes such that it is harmful to him. As he gets older he will form his own uninfluenced opinion of his parents and it will be based on his own observations, not ours. Secondly, my husband was abandoned by his father when he was 3-years-old. He never knew his father and never had a relationship with him until he was in his forties. At that time they began tentative telephone communications and a short time later his father passed away. When I asked my husband what he felt would be more harmful, exposure to the dysfunction of his mother or not knowing her at all, my husband adamantly replied that not knowing her at all would be worse. I trust his voice of experience.
The point of this account is to emphasize the power struggle we are going to encounter with the biological parents. They delude themselves into believing they will still have parental authority over their children while they are in our custody. My son isn't the only culprit in this game of theirs. Aaron's mother has also tried to dictate who should and should not be allowed around "her son" and I squashed those declarations just as soundly as I did my son's. We are the ones who have sacrificed to ensure this little boy's happiness and wellbeing. We're the ones who bathe, clothe, feed, entertain and console him. To them I may just be his "G-Ma", but they're finding out quickly that I'm the "Mama".