I have yet to meet a parent who claims raising a child is easy. Parents usually have youth and health on their side which allows them greater stamina when it comes to keeping up with and caring for little ones. As "grand-parents" we don't always have that luxury and must cope with the day to day whirlwind of child life while fighting off the inevitable fatigue. Aaron is in full blown terrible two mode and often gets belligerent in his "No!" obsession. He frequently says "No!" even when he means "yes". Do you want some juice? -- "No Goose!". Ok, no juice -- "Goose!!" (full on yell and foot stomp included). There are days I am so desperate for some quiet time that I have resorted to bribing him to take a good nap. If you take a good nap we can have some yummy candies when you wake up --"nummy cannies!", the bribe has worked all but twice! We have made adjustments and sacrifices to make our new roles as "grand-parents" work and we're mostly happy with how it is coming together. However, not everyone who is close to us is understanding or tolerant.
We're finding that some friends and family are less sympathetic with the amount of time and energy that goes into chasing after a 2 year old at our age. At the end of the day, we are so physically and emotionally drained that we can't muster the energy to pick up the phone and call for some pointless chit-chat. We're lucky if we get just an hour or two together as a couple between the time our little Beastie goes to bed and the time it takes for my husband to enter snoring mode on the sofa. My husband leaves for work at 6AM and gets home from work at 5:30-6PM and on weekend he tries to work on renovating our home; a major fixer-upper that we bought just prior to Aaron being conceived. Before Aaron came to live with us we were in full renovation swing with walls torn down and flooring pulled up, and when Aaron landed in our care it all stopped because he was terrified of the power tools. We quite obviously have little time for social niceties that are outside of normal routine and some have decided we simply choose not to play a role in their lives.
They refuse to recognize that it is not a lack of interest, but rather our priorities that keep us from being more attentive. Working long hours is the norm for self-employed business men. Not living in a construction zone indefinitely is a distinct bonus for us and for a child having to grow up in such a space. Aaron getting some after work time with his Poppie (who he adores) is highly important and so is making sure we enjoy some quiet time together. Anything that does not have a direct impact on our daily life has been placed on the back burner and I refuse to feel guilty about it. Some days it feels as though it's a struggle for mental survival and the fatigue doesn't seem to go away no matter how much sleep I've had. This journey of ours will certainly determine who our true supporters are as we watch them fade away from our life one after another. We clearly are not measuring up to the expectations of what some believe are normal social interactions under the circumstances.
My own feelings on the matter are that we don't need the pseudo friendship and support based on convenience. I have enough genuine support from those who lend an ear and shoulder when the stress has me in tears, those who pat us on the back and let us know we're doing a good job, and those who take the time to really see how hard this is and continue to cheer us on. Those are my real friends and my family; far fewer than I thought I had when this journey began, but enough to fill my heart with love and gratitude. The great expectations of others are have no place in our chaotic life. Particularly when I am on my hands and knees frantically searching under the sofa for one dropped m&m that has sent the Beastie into a total melt-down, or when I'm desperately trying to soothe a hysterical Beastie because his slice of cheese broke in half. No, their expectation of "proper friendship etiquette" is of no significant importance to me.
I look at it like this...Each month that goes by becomes easier. Perhaps because we're building endurance and perhaps because Aaron is getting older and more independent, mayhap both. Before long (I hope) our lives will become much easier and begin returning to some sort of normal. Those who turned their backs in impatience and intolerance will have weeded themselves out of our lives by then; saving us the trouble of disentangling ourselves from them.
We're finding that some friends and family are less sympathetic with the amount of time and energy that goes into chasing after a 2 year old at our age. At the end of the day, we are so physically and emotionally drained that we can't muster the energy to pick up the phone and call for some pointless chit-chat. We're lucky if we get just an hour or two together as a couple between the time our little Beastie goes to bed and the time it takes for my husband to enter snoring mode on the sofa. My husband leaves for work at 6AM and gets home from work at 5:30-6PM and on weekend he tries to work on renovating our home; a major fixer-upper that we bought just prior to Aaron being conceived. Before Aaron came to live with us we were in full renovation swing with walls torn down and flooring pulled up, and when Aaron landed in our care it all stopped because he was terrified of the power tools. We quite obviously have little time for social niceties that are outside of normal routine and some have decided we simply choose not to play a role in their lives.
They refuse to recognize that it is not a lack of interest, but rather our priorities that keep us from being more attentive. Working long hours is the norm for self-employed business men. Not living in a construction zone indefinitely is a distinct bonus for us and for a child having to grow up in such a space. Aaron getting some after work time with his Poppie (who he adores) is highly important and so is making sure we enjoy some quiet time together. Anything that does not have a direct impact on our daily life has been placed on the back burner and I refuse to feel guilty about it. Some days it feels as though it's a struggle for mental survival and the fatigue doesn't seem to go away no matter how much sleep I've had. This journey of ours will certainly determine who our true supporters are as we watch them fade away from our life one after another. We clearly are not measuring up to the expectations of what some believe are normal social interactions under the circumstances.
My own feelings on the matter are that we don't need the pseudo friendship and support based on convenience. I have enough genuine support from those who lend an ear and shoulder when the stress has me in tears, those who pat us on the back and let us know we're doing a good job, and those who take the time to really see how hard this is and continue to cheer us on. Those are my real friends and my family; far fewer than I thought I had when this journey began, but enough to fill my heart with love and gratitude. The great expectations of others are have no place in our chaotic life. Particularly when I am on my hands and knees frantically searching under the sofa for one dropped m&m that has sent the Beastie into a total melt-down, or when I'm desperately trying to soothe a hysterical Beastie because his slice of cheese broke in half. No, their expectation of "proper friendship etiquette" is of no significant importance to me.
I look at it like this...Each month that goes by becomes easier. Perhaps because we're building endurance and perhaps because Aaron is getting older and more independent, mayhap both. Before long (I hope) our lives will become much easier and begin returning to some sort of normal. Those who turned their backs in impatience and intolerance will have weeded themselves out of our lives by then; saving us the trouble of disentangling ourselves from them.
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