Raising our grandchildren initially starts as grief, trauma, frustration, anger, disappointment and sadness over the events that brought them into our care. Once we move on from this starter package of emotions, we develop a routine and adjust to our new lives (sort of). To outsiders it seems all is well. The children are where they need to be, and you are loving, caring for and providing them the life they would not have otherwise had. We present a sense of normalcy that reflects itself in our daily activities, but doesn't quite reach our emotional selves. The unknown always looms ahead as a potential threat to the precarious happiness we've been able to weave. We find ourselves waiting on pins and needles for that future to unfold, never able to truly relax.
Short of outright adoption of our grandchildren, there is no sense of permanency in raising these children. At any time the normalcy we've carefully constructed and the happiness we've nurtured can be torn asunder by the biological parents, the courts or child protective services. Those grand-parents who are raising their grandchildren without the benefit of having legal custody must worry whether the biological parents will decide to take the children from your home; often transplanting them into less than desirable conditions. Those with legal custody may one day have the children returned to the parents by order of a court who has determined the parents have improved "enough", though their standard of enough is frequently marginal to our own expectations. Particularly when we are aware of the less than stellar record occurring behind the scenes. There are only two groups of grand-parents spared this state of insecurity, those who opt for adoption are spared the unease of living in a constant state of uncertainly (at least long term) and those who have genuine faith in the ability of the parents to become responsible parents and look forward to them resuming responsibility for the children.
Adoption is the route my husband and I chose. We wanted to ensure that Aaron would grow up with a definitive place of belonging, stability and with no worries about his future beyond the typical youthful thoughts over what he wants to be when he grows up. Our journey was made easier by our son realizing early that he was in over his head as a father; he was very much in favor of our adopting his son. When Aaron's mother chose to give him up, the Child Protective Worker immediately contacted us asking if we were still willing to take him; no brainer there! However, our journey didn't end there. We were required to jump through numerous hoops in order to keep Aaron with us and expedite the adoption process.
We first had to become licensed foster parents for Aaron, which required us to attend classes, go through extensive background checks and fingerprinting. We had to make changes to our home to meet licensing guidelines. Once our foster license was obtained we began the adoption process which again required a second round of background checks and fingerprinting through both the state and the FBI. All the while nervous they would find some reason to declare us unfit to raise our grandson. Never had we ever as thoroughly examined like a bug beneath a microscope as we had during this time. In the midst of jumping through hoops and waiting a primary nagging thought
lurked in the recesses of my mind; technically Aaron was a ward of the state. His parents had terminated their parental rights and we had no legal claim to him beyond a blood bond. What would prevent a court ruling or CPS determination from removing him and placing him elsewhere? I have pushed the thought away more often than I care to admit these past two years. Fortunately, our uncertainty is coming to an end. I am very happy to say that last week we were informed that after nearly 2 years in limbo, we have finally been scheduled a date to finalize the adoption of our Aaron. We will certainly have something extra special to be thankful for on the coming Thanksgiving Day. Peace of Mind.
Short of outright adoption of our grandchildren, there is no sense of permanency in raising these children. At any time the normalcy we've carefully constructed and the happiness we've nurtured can be torn asunder by the biological parents, the courts or child protective services. Those grand-parents who are raising their grandchildren without the benefit of having legal custody must worry whether the biological parents will decide to take the children from your home; often transplanting them into less than desirable conditions. Those with legal custody may one day have the children returned to the parents by order of a court who has determined the parents have improved "enough", though their standard of enough is frequently marginal to our own expectations. Particularly when we are aware of the less than stellar record occurring behind the scenes. There are only two groups of grand-parents spared this state of insecurity, those who opt for adoption are spared the unease of living in a constant state of uncertainly (at least long term) and those who have genuine faith in the ability of the parents to become responsible parents and look forward to them resuming responsibility for the children.
Adoption is the route my husband and I chose. We wanted to ensure that Aaron would grow up with a definitive place of belonging, stability and with no worries about his future beyond the typical youthful thoughts over what he wants to be when he grows up. Our journey was made easier by our son realizing early that he was in over his head as a father; he was very much in favor of our adopting his son. When Aaron's mother chose to give him up, the Child Protective Worker immediately contacted us asking if we were still willing to take him; no brainer there! However, our journey didn't end there. We were required to jump through numerous hoops in order to keep Aaron with us and expedite the adoption process.
We first had to become licensed foster parents for Aaron, which required us to attend classes, go through extensive background checks and fingerprinting. We had to make changes to our home to meet licensing guidelines. Once our foster license was obtained we began the adoption process which again required a second round of background checks and fingerprinting through both the state and the FBI. All the while nervous they would find some reason to declare us unfit to raise our grandson. Never had we ever as thoroughly examined like a bug beneath a microscope as we had during this time. In the midst of jumping through hoops and waiting a primary nagging thought
lurked in the recesses of my mind; technically Aaron was a ward of the state. His parents had terminated their parental rights and we had no legal claim to him beyond a blood bond. What would prevent a court ruling or CPS determination from removing him and placing him elsewhere? I have pushed the thought away more often than I care to admit these past two years. Fortunately, our uncertainty is coming to an end. I am very happy to say that last week we were informed that after nearly 2 years in limbo, we have finally been scheduled a date to finalize the adoption of our Aaron. We will certainly have something extra special to be thankful for on the coming Thanksgiving Day. Peace of Mind.