When I was a young mother, many of my friends were young mothers as well and finding playmates were as easy as a phone call and coffee date. That isn't the case anymore, as I am a "young" grandmother (only 39 when Aaron was born) and the bulk of my friends have yet to become grandparents. The few that are grandparents have traditional relationships and are not fulltime care-takers; they want to spend alone time spoiling their grandbaby rather than seek out companionship for them. So, how do we socialize these little people we're suddenly responsible for? Something so simple becomes one of those issues we encounter that is important for healthy development, but taken for granted by so many parents.
I've taken Aaron to the park, but rarely are there any children his age. When there is, the mother is typically hovering and entertaining her child excessively leaving little time for the babies to interact with one another. Not to mention, the children who are more curious about one another have little time to form any kind of play bond before the trip to the park comes to an end. Likewise, we encounter the same dilemma at the children's museum or petting zoo. It is such a short visit that child encounters are too fleeting to promote socialization. Daycare or preschool is a good option, even if it is just part-time a few hours each week. Yet, they can be expensive or the absence of a reputable one locally could squash that plan. Additionally, some children may not be ready emotionally for such a situation. These children are often in our care because of some situation that has caused emotional and psychological trauma. Aaron, though young when he came to our care, was bounced around from home to home early on. As a result he suffers from extreme separation anxiety and goes into a panic if both myself and my husband are not there. This applies even with friends and family he knows well; he loves everyone as long as we are present, but let us disappear for more than a few moments and he has himself a melt-down. Due to his anxiety and that of children like him, daycare and preschool are not an option.
It isn't easy to make play time, but I do try to connect with other grand-families locally who struggle with the same issues. One family in particular has a little girl Aaron's age and he adores her. They recently moved a little further away, which lessens the frequency of visits, but hopefully not the quality of those play dates. I've also recently connected with an old friend who is moving into my neighborhood. She has a grandson and cares for him often, which will allow for frequent play dates. As he gets older the anxiety may lessen and allow for other alternatives and before long he will begin school and have ample social opportunities. For the time being I will continue to be creative in making play time with other children as often as possible. We can't beat ourselves up for not bridging the generational gap of play-groups. I certainly am not enthused about sipping coffee with a bunch of 20-something new moms I have nothing in common with other than parenting.