This woman's tale and complaints highlights the ripple effect each of us face as we try to raise our children's children. We often fool ourselves into thinking that we and the child and the child's parents are the only ones effected by our decision to raise these babies. However, the decision and act of raising our grandchildren also impacts other members of the family. I am fortunate thus far in that Aaron is my only grandchild, but he has a half sibling on the way and there will inevitably be questions and hurt feelings as to why "mommy" could take of this new child, but not him. Alternately, if his mother doesn't turn her life around, this new child may resent Aaron for the good life we've been able to provide for him. Some day my other son may settle down and start a family and resent the time and attention given Aaron in comparison to that given his children. My sons may already resent that the inheritance that was to be divided between two brothers will now be split between three. One day my other grandchildren may take exception to the relationship Aaron has with their grandparents which will likely exceed theirs. Aaron may also feel abandoned by his own parents and insecure about his place in the family. He may feel jealous and threatened over attention we give our other grandchildren out of fear of losing favor; then who will he have? Reasonable thought process?... Only in the mind of a child.
So, what can we do to soothe the ruffled feathers of so many impacted by our choice to raise our grandchildren? I suggest we talk often and honestly with our loved ones. The titles within the family may have remained the same, but the dynamics have changed significantly. I may be "G-Ma", but my role is one of a mom. Aarons parents may be "Mommy & Daddy", but their role in his life is below that of "Auntie & Uncle" and yet, more than a family friend. I say "below" Auntie and Uncle because I would typically trust an aunt or uncle to take my child on outings, however, I do not trust Aaron's parents to be responsible with him in my absence. Explaining to other grandchildren proves more difficult. How can we communicate to them that they are very loved and special to us with the other grandchild getting the bulk of the perks? I am at a loss because I have not had to face these circumstances just yet. My only suggestion is to love them and be as honest as their age and understanding will allow. Regardless of what we say and do, there are bound to be hurt feelings and misunderstandings along the way. Expecting issues on the horizon, recognizing when they appear and addressing them early on can go a long way in calming egos and nursing little hearts.
Aaron and other family members will have to know that he is more than just my grandson; he is my son. I will love, care for, guide, discipline and lay my life down for him. I will provide for him in every way and in no lesser degree than I have provided for my sons. It is my hope that should I be blessed with more grandchildren, that they will know the affection and security of loving parents. My husband and I are Aaron's only source of unconditional love and security and I won't allow myself to feel guilty when others choose not to understand the level of commitment we have made to him and his happiness. Hug those babies tight and know you're making everything as right as it can be in their little world.