My son, Aaron's father, created a second son and became engaged to the child's mother. Because the girl cheated on my son around the time she conceived the baby, I am reluctant to get attached to this child as I did with Aaron. I also had little faith in the relationship working out between his parents and feared she would deny us access to him, thus bringing more heartache into our life. So, I am ashamed to say I have remained distant and unaffectionate. I know in my heart it isn't the baby's fault his parents are selfish idiots. But, I can't seem to bring myself to open up towards him.
As I had feared, his mother recently ended her engagement with my son after discovering him text messaging another girl flirtatiously. I understand her anger completely and won't deny she has reason to feel hurt and angry. However, they are destroying the life of another child in their selfishness and anger. My son has apologized profusely, admitted he was wrong and kissed ass to try and get her back, but to no avail. I suspect the relationship is over and another child has to pay the price. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I don't believe this would be a problem if these kids would simply grow their relationships long before they chose to grow a little person.
I am trying so very hard to maintain contact between Aaron and the half sister his irresponsible bio-mom created for him and now it appears I may need to do the same with the half brother his equally irresponsible bio-dad has created. If this wasn't ridiculous enough, the half sister is currently in the custody of her maternal grandmother and I wouldn't be surprised if the half brother ended up in the care of his maternal grandmother as well! Anyone else's head hurt? I feel sick to my stomach at all the chaos, how can we possibly expect these children to fully digest all of this as they get older? This is how broken adults are born and we're suppose to foresee this and try to make the impact as minimal as possible.
The truth is, I don't know if I can hold this family together. The more children brought into this dysfunctional circle, the less I even want to try and hold it together. There was a day when I was excited at the idea of having a lot of grandchildren. Now the thoughts makes me laugh hysterically. A wild eyed, insane laugh that would surely land me in an institution. I will accept a grandchild from my older son, the responsible, educated, self supportive son who I never write about because he doesn't add any chaos or sorrow to my life. The son who never gets the recognition he deserves because all the things he does to make us proud is constantly overshadowed by the mayhem his younger brother creates. Yes, that son's children will be a welcome addition one day. But, I don't want any other grandchildren by my youngest son. I do not anticipate him ever being responsible enough to place a child's needs ahead of his own.
I hope my readers will forgive me for my rant tonight. I have been teetering between despondency and anger for several days and tonight it came tumbling out. I typically prefer to have more purpose when I write, but tonight it is all about purging all of the negative emotions and thoughts racing around inside me. Tomorrow, I attempt to hold it all together again.
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